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I grew up in a Christian home, and my mother was sort of strict. I had no father, and I felt abandoned. I was very rebellious and I thought my home structure was very boring. I envied other kids whose parents drank, smoked and had parties.
My school life was complex. When I was young, I had a speech impediment and kids made fun of me because of that. Kids also made fun of me because I was in church all of the time. The speech impediment affected my self-esteem.
In the 7th grade I got involved in a gang, and by the 8th grade I had dropped out of school. I got involved in criminal activities with the gang for a very short period of time. This got me arrested and sent to Juvenile Hall. I wanted to be put away so bad because I just felt like I had nothing really going for me, I thought that it would make me look like a man. I looked up to some of the local role models that were drug dealers—and this was the kind of lifestyle that was appealing to me. They appeared to have it made—money, nice cars, attractive women, fine clothes, nice cribs….
At the age of 17 I moved out of my mother’s house, and that led me to believe that I was free from “religion.” I was in a hurry to be a grown up, on my 18th birthday, I had my first beer, and that was the beginning.
My drinking started on weekends and escalated to every day. I started drinking 40’s and graduated to hard liquor. I met a drinking buddy through my job that lived outside the city. In my late teens I started doing drugs myself, selling for other people on the street corner. When those corners were under investigation by the police, I would go to my drinking buddy’s house and lay low for a while. And when I was there, we would have parties where they would be a lot of beer, liquor, women, and some drugs. This continued for two years. I was living in the projects with a family member of mine after I left home, and she wouldn’t see me for weeks at a time. I would place her and the rest of my family in jeopardy with the police, so finally she told me I had to leave. That was when I found out who my true friends were.
I moved around until I got my own place. I had a job, was still doing drugs, and would drink at the end of each shift. I had resentment towards my family for putting me out, I refused to take responsibility. My own mother couldn’t talk to me, and we became estranged. I couldn’t keep a job for too long, and I gave up my place because I wanted to drink and get high using my rent money. I was out on the streets.
I tried a variety of recovery programs, but none of them seemed to stick. Before long I had fallen back into drinking, joined a gang and became involved in several painful relationships.
There was a mixture of things that made me want to turn my life around - my childhood experiences were haunting me, the lack of fulfillment in the relationships, and the affect of drugs and alcohol on me were pointing to death. I was so paranoid that I thought I was going to die because somebody was going to come to the house and kill me. I needed to get away because I was getting in too deep. I was feeling suicidal because of the abuse I suffered as a child.. So I went to a rehab again and stayed for about four days, and then I went to an extended rehabilitation program for two weeks that was recommended by the rehab center.
After my two-week stay, I was transported to a mental ward where I was put in a small room in a straight jacket for an entire day. I was released within 24 hours because I wanted to leave. I was told to come to CityTeam Ministries by a friend and found out that they had a recovery program. I didn’t want to inconvenience my family any more, so I decided to enroll myself in the program.
When I got to CityTeam, I found peace, a sense of security, and I felt loved. But more importantly I found salvation. I learned about Jesus Christ and the forgiveness he offers. I learned that I can learn to forgive others such as my father and other people who have done things to me as a child.
Because of His strength, I can do all things. I can even go back to school now. I can teach young kids about Jesus as well as about football. I can counsel young alcoholics and drug addicts. That is my calling in life, to bring substance abusers to Christ. I love being at CityTeam, and if it wasn’t for the fact that there will be other guys coming in after me, I would love to stay here for the rest of my life.
* Our client's name has been changed to protect his identity
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